Even though I know things must be as they are, I am still struggling. The grief is coming in waves now, occasionally incapacitating me. That’s better than before, when I was overwhelmed for weeks on end. It’s still hard to surrender and accept that sometimes I am helpless because of it.
Yesterday was a hard day, and I was still feeling the effects this afternoon at work. I felt my creativity waning. When that happens to my team members I say, go take a nap or a walk, do something that helps get you back into a creative place.
I am not a napper – that’s a super-power I would love to have but don’t (yet). What to do instead? My intuition said, “The blessing is outside your comfort zone. Go for a run.” Fortune shone on me— this time I listened.
That was a victory. An hour later I found myself in Lincoln Park, running along the shore, silver light shining off dark blue water. I climbed the cliff trail and ran through the forest. I felt a lot better after the run and sat by the water a long time, watching the golden sun set over the Olympic mountains. As the light faded so did my struggle.
Maybe it will be back tomorrow. But right now I am at peace.